NOW HIRING
Jonathan Messner, MS, CSCS
When Jill gave me the idea for this article, I thought, damn, why didn’t I think of that? I tried to concoct a way of writing it without her knowing, however locking both the article and myself inside a room is a bit shortsighted due to the apparent lack of audience. So I guess I have to give credit where credit is due, thanks Jill!
Being the good little personal trainer that I am, I am always looking for ways to expand my business. There are so many ways to get the word out, from writing a book (which is FINALLY DONE), to making a DVD (which I haven’t even written the script for, but when I do, it will be AWESOME). By getting the word out, I don’t mean preaching about the benefits of exercise, rather, I am talking about the benefits of exercise with Jon because that is what fits my business model.
My business model encompasses the hiring of clients. You are probably thinking that clients hire trainers, not the other way around. And in most cases you would be correct. However, with the way that I do things, the opposite occurs (quite a testament to my whole life being ass-backwards). A lot of trainers give the clients what they want, not necessarily what they need, and as a result, the clients control the terms of the relationship. Not me. I am a stubborn S.O.B. who gives them only what they need, never what they want. As a result, I am in control of the relationship and I am the one who does the hiring.
So here goes…
Job Title: Personal Training Client
Overview: Jon Messner Performance is a personal training studio that specializes in pain management. JMP has nothing to do with yoga, pilates, bodybuilding, or basket weaving. JMP focuses on movement correction and good old-fashioned strength training. We are NOT looking for individuals who self-diagnose themselves, are looking for a “pump”, or are looking for a quick fix. We are, however, looking for individuals who are health conscious, self-motivated, and who want to rid themselves of chronic musculoskeletal pain (which includes, back pain, knee pain, shoulder pain, and hip pain).
Western civilization is unique in the fact that we either sit too much and/or participate in too much of one specialized exercise or activity. These “repetitive tasks” alter hip function, which in turn alter movement patterns, which then, in turn cause pain and injury. Our training at JMP aims to correct this societal based dysfunctionality first through corrective exercise and then through strength training.
Responsibilities:
I. Personal training at least twice a week. Three times is ideal. Once a week is a waste of both your time and money.
II. Reading articles on my website. Good ones include:
- Ummm, this one…
- Step Inside My Head
- Random Thoughts
- Common Sense
- Five Short Stories
III. Preaching to others how awesome I am. Some common phrases are:
- “Jon is awesome.”
- (And if you are female) “Jon is really cute.”
IV. Exercise homework outside of training. Homework includes:
- Preaching to others how awesome I am (see above).
- Foam rolling everyday. Not every other day, or whenever you feel like it, but EVERY DAY.
- Core stabilization and gluteal activation everyday. Just to be clear, these are to be done on: Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday.
Qualifications:
I. The deep burning desire to improve how you feel, to be proactive in preventing injuries, and to enjoy more out of life.
II. Patience, patience, patience. This is the big one because you know what? I will not advance you beyond where I feel you are because I see things that you cannot possibly see. I have the eyes of a hawk.
III. The realization that you do not know more than me about exercise (this one makes me sound like an ass, I know.)
IV. A heart beat.
V. A head.
If you feel as though you would be a good fit with us, you can contact us at strength@jonmessner.com. Please, no hate mail. Unless you don’t really like me, then I kind of enjoy it.